The day started out so good! I am 3 weeks smoke free, I feel so confident and happy, nothing can stop me now! I will never smoke again!
I feel like I have superpowers and the sky is the limit. So many others are struggling with temptations, not me. I have a few cigarette cravings now and then, but nothing dramatic and they never last long. I feel so strong!
I am not sure if I mentioned it before, but my husband still smokes. We never smoked in the house, so it’s not really a problem for me. My husband called on his way home and he sounded all excited and told me to be “ready” for a road-trip. We both love antiques and I smiled, wondering what he was up to. I know, he probably saw something that we don’t need, but we will buy it anyway!
I was ready when he pulled in the driveway. As always, we would take his truck. I know my husband smokes in his car, but didn’t really think it all the way through. I opened the car door and the smell almost knocked me of my feet. It is just gross, the mix of old, cold smoke lingering everywhere. I felt like turning around, not because it made me crave for a cigarette, but because I didn’t think I could stand the smell.
My husband saw my hesitation and got the “lost puppy look” in his eyes. He wanted to surprise me and I almost spoiled it. Well, I got in the car, gave him a breath mint and opened the window. It was bearable after a few minutes.
We drove around for 30 minutes and all of sudden it hit me out of the blue. I wanted a cigarette! The smell, that had been so disgusting just a few minutes ago wasn’t so bad at all. I got used to it and now it smelled so good. Right beside me were his cigarettes and a lighter, the urge was real, the craving for a cigarette was real and almost unbearable….I wanted one now!
I asked him to pull into the next gas station and I went to the bathroom. I stood there in front of the mirror for a while and looked at myself. Moment of truth, so it seemed. This is it, either I continue my journey and become a non-smoker or I smoke one and blow it all! This was not just a craving, this was a desire, a temptation and it was strong. I wanted a cigarette so bad.
I opened my purse and unfolded a piece of paper
The Smoker’s Vow
To be said just before taking your first puff after
having quit for any appreciable period of time
With this puff I enslave myself
to a lifetime of addiction.
While I can’t promise to always love you,
I do promise to obey every craving and
support my addiction to you
no matter how expensive you become.
I will let no husband or wife,
no family member or friend,
no doctor or any other health professional,
no employer or government policy,
no burns or no stench,
no cough or raspy voice,
no cancer or emphysema,
no heart attack or stroke,
no threat of loss of life or limbs,
come between us.
I will smoke you forever
from this day forth,
for better or worse,
whether richer or poorer,
in sickness and in health,
till death do us part!
“You may now light the cigarette.”
“I now pronounce you a full-fledged smoker.”
Postscript: While 1 in 2 marriages end in divorce, the addiction to smoking will last a lifetime – albeit a shorter lifetime. Once a smoker, annulment of the addiction is impossible. One puff can result in a permanent relapse. Don’t take the chance of relapsing to this marriage of inconvenience.
NEVER TAKE ANOTHER PUFF!
I am so glad Joel Spitzer wrote this. With many other things he wrote, this can be found at www.whyquit.com I am so glad I listened and printed it. I am so glad I read it and it threw the addiction right into my face. Screw you Smokey!
I bought us something to drink and bought me some beef jerky. I got back to the car and saw my husband smoking, but he wasn’t in the car he was standing outside. The cigarettes were in his coat pocket when we left the gas station. I thanked him for his understanding and he told me he could feel my fight, even though he won’t stop smoking -for now- he is proud of me.
I learned a little bit about addiction today. I can feel confident and happy, but I should never let my guard down. One craving can change everything, one weak moment and I will be a smoker again in a split second.
This fight is not over!