No man’s Land is: Land that is unoccupied or is under dispute between parties that leave it unoccupied due to fear or uncertainty.
I feel like I am sitting between two chairs. I stopped smoking 4 months ago and I love my new life without the chain of addiction around my ankle. However, there are still moments when I feel like a lost puppy. I am not a smoker anymore, but I am not a 100 % bullet proof non-smoker yet. I am “in between” there are still moments when I think about how it used to be. There are still moments when I get a craving for a cigarette. It never lasts long and I can shake it off, but it happens. Some people at the quit-smoking-message-board explained, that the time after the 1st and 3rd months of not smoking is called “No man’s land” and it makes so much sense to me. Other’s said it doesn’t exist, they never felt it (good for them).
The first weeks and month were filled with celebrations. Everybody was proud of me, everybody noticed that I gave up smoking and they all were so supportive. I felt like a circus pony and let’s be honest, the attention felt good. “How many days have you not smoked” , “are you still not smoking” and “I am so proud of you” were comments and questions I heard every day and I was so willing to talk about my accomplishment; I was so willing to share. Oh, it felt so good!
Then, after a few weeks they got used to it and people stopped talking about it. “Hello…how come you don’t talk about me anymore?” The fact that I quit smoking is not longer interesting, they moved on to better subjects; I am a non-smoker in their eyes (how dare they?)
Land that’s under dispute…yep that is how I feel. Like I am walking around and I am not sure who is going to claim me! Freedom of addiction or The addiction…I am in dispute! My No man’s land is filled with landmines – I call them triggers. I have to be very careful, one wrong step and “boom” it will be all over.
I like being a non-smoker and I don’t want to go back; I must have not liked it at the end, or I wouldn’t be here! But going further into the opposite direction is a little bit scary. I am walking into a new beginning and at times it’s confusing. It feels good, but it feels surreal as well!
I assume I might be spending a few months in No man’s land, until one side will claim me. Due to fear or uncertainty…I know where I want to belong and I will do everything I can to keep on marching in the right direction. I will not lose my focus! 4 months and marching on!
I think sometimes we have to cross No-man’s-land in our lives. It’s an obstacle on our way when we decide to follow our dreams and our missions.
It comes in many forms and shapes! Think about it…what is your No-man’s land?