If you’re too open-minded, your brains will fall out.
Don’t worry about what people think; they don’t do it very often.
Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
It’s not the jeans that make you look fat.
Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.
If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
A conscience is what hurts when all of your other parts feel so good.
No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes.
A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.
Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.
Junk is something you’ve kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.
Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.
Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.
If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you’ve never tried before.
…and last, but not least
Giving up smoking is a fun journey, just don’t forget to fasten your seat-belt…it can get bumpy 🙂