I don’t have to write it, I already did. I wrote this a few months ago and wouldn’t change a thing. Just in case my blog would become a viral sensation -most unlikely- this would be the post I would new readers to see first:
If you have ever watched “The Shawshank Redemption” then you watched Andy Dufresne’s escape from prison. That’s how I felt at the beginning, I felt like Tim Robins in the movie.
I found the right moment, took my chance and escaped after so many years in captivity. I was nervous and watched very carefully where I was going. I wasn’t sure about my plan, I wasn’t sure about anything; I just sprinted away from something that was chasing me. I was running away from being imprisoned – I was running into freedom.
Now and then I took a short break and tried to take it all in. I was free and I started to peer around in my new smoke-free environment and studied my surroundings. I felt good, but I knew I wasn’t safe. They were still out there to get me, the slightest mistake and I would be found and would be thrown back in my prison cell. I continued to run; I was running and running and got further away from the place that held me captive and then, after a few weeks, I finally allowed myself to slow down.
I was still careful, but started to trust myself more and more. Nothing was chasing me, nobody was after me anymore. “I made it”. It was very exciting for a couple of weeks, it was deviant! It had been a race and I won and now I finally found the time and enjoyed my new found freedom!
All these metaphors tend to work for me, and I feel like I starved out a one-eyed monster, and stamped my foot right in its eye. I understand that the monster was a part of me—so I’m a little befuddled, a few months into such a life-changing addiction bust, about what this really means, about who I am.
But, metaphor or science it doesn’t mean I don’t feel all sorts of conflict about quitting smoking. The head of a smoker is one filled with conflicts and I must admit, that in the past few weeks and months, after I killed “Smokey” I have felt a dull sense of melancholy. I had thoughts of missing the little devils. “Did they abandon me”? something inside me wondered.
Really, having such an long relationship with something as stupid as a cigarette is a waste of time—and one of the more joyous realizations in my new non-smoking head is that I get to come up with better things to do than smoke. It’s actually stunning to see how much time I wasted with smoking. I certainly didn’t need a cigarette to think thoughts. In fact, I can think more clearly now -at least I hope so 🙂
The only reason I have made it this far is because I’m sure about my decision. Being a non-smoker is beyond all a question of willpower; it’s just the way it is! It’s a steadiness that I have only felt a few times in my life —a kind of confidence that only comes when it’s arrived.
I am free!
Today’s daily prompt Your blog just became a viral sensation. What’s the one post you’d like new readers to see and remember you by? Write that post.