Nope, I didn’t forget and I like it. I find the whole “Forgive and Forget thing” absolutely nonsense. I am not a computer, I can’t just press “delete” and voila, the memory is gone. It’s like being on a jury when you listen to a testimony, then the prosecution objects and you are asked to forget what you just heard. Really?
I had some pain in my life, especially when I was younger and I will not go into detail here and now. No need for that, it’s done and part of my past. Made me the person I am today and I like the person I am.
I am not talking about small stuff, like a hurtful argument between lovers. We all say something hurtful, get “forgiveness” or “redemption” afterwards and later on, after years, the forgiver can’t even recall what there was to forgive in the first place. No, I am talking about really big “stuff”, things that mark your life, things that went under our skin and can’t be forgotten for decades or…well forever.
I don’t believe in forgiveness and I don’t forget. I can remember events from my early youth, like they happened yesterday. With time I get closure, what actually just means I will accept it as part of my life, but I will never forget. Some bad memories are kept in the far corner of my mind, surrounded by good memories and that’s a healthy place to be. It actually means I embrace it. I accept the bad parts in my life, as much as I accept the good things that happened.
Forgiveness is often associated with goodwill or other acts of “goodness” and sometimes encouraged. Different religions encourage us to forgive and forget. Doesn’t it sound great? Like a magic wand “poof” and it’s gone. We forgive our enemies, forget everything they did and then there is the wonderful finish, the triumph when former enemies become friends.
Well, it doesn’t happen like that, but it can happen. I think former enemies can become friends, but not because the forgive and forget, but because the accept one another.
There are friendships that last for a lifetime, there are couples who are married since forever and stay together until one has to go. Unbreakable happy unions, so they seem to us looking in from the outside. The truth is these unbreakable, happy bonds have an important thing in common, they worked things out when things got rough. Relationships, friendships get tested…there are challenges.
Important is to live a life without hate, without regrets. What’s done is done, can’t be undone. Acceptance is the key to a happy life, at least for me.
And…as a post scriptum I would like to add: “Some people will hurt you over and over, pretty much on purpose. They will stomp all over you. Don’t let this happen, there is absolutely no gain in a relationship like that. Leave, or kick them to the curb!”
Don’t forgive, just because you are afraid to lose someone!
Share a story where it was very difficult for you to forgive the perpetrator for wronging you, but you did it — you forgave them.