Accept and don’t forget~!

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Nope, I didn’t forget and I like it. I find the whole “Forgive and Forget thing” absolutely nonsense. I am not a computer, I can’t just press “delete” and voila, the memory is gone. It’s like being on a jury when you listen to a testimony, then the prosecution objects and you are asked to forget what you just heard. Really?

I had some pain in my life, especially when I was younger and I will not go into detail here and now. No need for that, it’s done and part of my past. Made me the person I am today and I like the person I am.

I am not talking about small stuff, like a hurtful argument between lovers. We all say something hurtful, get “forgiveness” or “redemption” afterwards and later on, after years, the forgiver can’t even recall what there was to forgive in the first place. No, I am talking about really big “stuff”, things that mark your life, things that went under our skin and can’t be forgotten for decades or…well forever.

I don’t believe in forgiveness and I don’t forget. I can remember events from my early youth, like they happened yesterday. With time I get closure, what actually just means I will accept it as part of my life, but I will never forget. Some bad memories are kept in the far corner of my mind, surrounded by good memories and that’s a healthy place to be. It actually means I embrace it. I accept the bad parts in my life, as much as I accept the good things that happened.

Forgiveness is often associated with goodwill or other acts of “goodness” and sometimes encouraged. Different religions encourage us to forgive and forget. Doesn’t it sound great? Like a magic wand “poof” and it’s gone. We forgive our enemies, forget everything they did and then there is the wonderful finish, the triumph when former enemies become friends.

Well, it doesn’t happen like that, but it can happen. I think former enemies can become friends, but not because the forgive and forget, but because the accept one another.

There are friendships that last for a lifetime, there are couples who are married since forever and stay together until one has to go. Unbreakable happy unions, so they seem to us looking in from the outside. The truth is these unbreakable, happy bonds have an important thing in common, they worked things out when things got rough. Relationships, friendships get tested…there are challenges.

Important is to live a life without hate, without regrets. What’s done is done, can’t be undone. Acceptance is the key to a happy life, at least for me.

And…as a post scriptum I would like to add: “Some people will hurt you over and over, pretty much on purpose. They will stomp all over you. Don’t let this happen, there is absolutely no gain in a relationship like that. Leave, or kick them to the curb!”

Don’t forgive, just because you are afraid to lose someone!

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Forgive and Forget?

Share a story where it was very difficult for you to forgive the perpetrator for wronging you, but you did it — you forgave them.

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15 thoughts on “Accept and don’t forget~!

  1. Totally agree with you. Acceptance – but forgetting? no way. Even the acceptance part doesn’t work for me. I accept that I can’t change what happened, but I will also cut off a friendship as a result and move on accepting I can’t allow someone who could act in a certain manner be part of my life.

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  2. Pingback: Actions speak louder. Cliche but so true! | The Hempstead Man

  3. A good kick in the crutch is as healing an act as ‘forgiving’ , metaphorically speaking of course.
    Sometimes sadness seems to linger more than hurt. But a good partner then is needed to move forward or at least keep going past the rain and tears and just remember the sunshine.

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  4. Forgiving is a self-centered act in which a person deliberately chooses to overlook the wrongdoing of another person or people for their own benefit. It’s essentially fooling oneself. I can never forgive because I’m incapable of fooling myself. But, I can sometimes forget or choose to ignore another person’s wrongdoing, depending on the gravity of their transgression.

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    • Especially younger people get stuck in relationships and feel they have to forgive, even outrages behavior, just because they are afraid to lose the partner or the relationship (what they will end anyway later). I agree with you!

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  5. I agree with every detail in you post…
    My life has not always been lucky…(big stuff , too) and I can neither forget nor forgive ,( when it’s the case ……)
    I try to accept my life and myself , trying to look at things from a certain distance….as if I had to judge a painting on the wall…
    Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts with us!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. It’s true there are different degrees of hurtful experiences, of course. As you say, sometimes you can’t even remember what the heck the big fight was about after all. I experienced something unforgivable several years ago – when i relate what happened to others, they always recoil in horror and disbelief – and yet, I forgave. Of course I haven’t forgotten and never will. I just hold that person to a very low standard now and never, ever will open myself up to another possible violation from her. The relationship is permanently changed.

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    • “The relationship is permanently changed” very well said. I think that’s a good way of putting up your self-defense, not allowing people to hurt you over and over. Oh what a delight it is to see/read you again :-).

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Great Post – I agree that “forgive and forget” is often bad advice. When quitting a habit, it helps NOT to forget the bad effects. When quitting a person, it helps to NOT forget the reasons you’re moving on.

    However, when forgiving YOURSELF for indulging in the habit, or for sticking with an unhealthy relationship, it helps to forget the triggers that can pull you back into the problem. For example, I don’t allow myself to think of past painful relationships – this just triggers a negative spiral. Also, you may need to forget the good times and good feelings you associate with the bad habit. As a vegan, I practice this whenever I see advertisements for unhealthy food.

    Simply put, YOU deserve “forgive and forget”, but bad habits and destructive people don’t!

    Liked by 1 person

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