Please don’t bother~!

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I wrote to my Mother years ago, a letter that I never send, a letter that she never read. There was no need to send it, it wasn’t meant for her in the first place. I didn’t know if she was still alive or not, I didn’t know where she was and didn’t want to know.

I wrote a letter to her, because I wanted to let go. I wanted to let go of my past, wanted to free the ghost that was hunting me. It all happened so long ago, I wanted to let all the bad feelings go…and so I did. I wrote down what I felt, forgave her and wished her well.

It took me weeks to write it, it was a long letter. I changed the wording, deleted curse words, had to add on, because I remembered something I had forgotten to mention.

One night I walked outside with a glass of wine, sat down and read the letter quietly. I sat there for a long time afterwards and then I burned the letter. It felt good, I had “said” what I wanted to say. A weight lifted of my shoulder, I had faced my demons.

Days later I met with my best friend, she knew about this part of my childhood and I told her about the letter. She was proud of me and gave me a hug. Then she said “Now, when you meet your Mom in an afterlife, you two will have a better relationship.” I listen to her and the first thought that came to my mind was “Hell, No”.

So today I would like to add a Postscriptum to my letter to Mother

PS. Just in case there is an afterlife.  I wish you well, have fun and enjoy, but please don’t bother me in case we might be living” on the same floor. I have forgiven, but I will never forget~!


PostScriptum

Dear Mom

Write a letter to your mom. Tell her something you’ve always wanted to say, but haven’t been able to. 

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23 thoughts on “Please don’t bother~!

  1. Ladybug! Sei italiana anche tu!

    A year before I met Hubby, I briefly dated someone. Long story short, I wound up writing a letter expressing my feelings over the “stuff” I wasn’t happy about. Initially, that letter was meant to be mailed. After I wrote it though, I realized I didn’t need to. All that mattered was that I’d communicated and owned those feelings. Thank you.

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    • I didn’t lose my parents. My parents were abusive alcoholics who would have beaten the life out of me, if they would have the chance. I lived with my Grandmother for the rest of my childhood, because she cared for me.

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  2. So wonderful you freed yourself by writing, the burning so symbolic, so cathartic. As you said you will never forget, and you are fortunate to have had a grandmother who was there for you and made the difference in your life. I say Bravo to this post and to you. ❤ ❤

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  3. It must be my day to read really sad posts … and I add this one to the list, along with the comments.

    How terrible to be estranged from one’s parents. Parents are supposed to be our ultimate cheerleaders and support us emotionally through the good and bad. My condolensces that you *lost* yours long before you should have … and in a way that left emotional scars.

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    • Oh my, I didn’t mean to make anyone sad. Many children had a similar childhood. My generation never talked about it. We “stood” on the sidelines and pretended everything was alright at home…when it wasn’t. Child abuse or child molestation happened behind closed door. Today at least we can talk about it openly. Today a child can reach out to authorities, teachers and other adults.

      I think I am so honest about it, because I want others to know that it is OK to have bad parents. They are not alone. It’s like the battered wife syndrome, you think it is your fault, because you don’t understand.

      I moved in with my Grandmother, never saw my parents again. I had the best childhood one can imagine with her.

      Did it leave emotional scares? I don’t know. Maybe I am so gentle and such a goofball because of it? Maybe that’s why I am such a happy chipper 🙂

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  4. I’d like to write one of those to MIL. OMG. Basically, “Don’t bother, you’ve been a drag all the way through and it’s only gotten worse!” And you’re right……I’ll never forget….still trying hard on the forgiveness, but it isn’t easy!

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  5. Oh how I love your honesty, girlfriend! That was a fabulous post. My relationship with my mom would be so different if she were here today. I learned so much after she passed on. I may tackle this post.

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  6. My mom won’t be in my Heaven. It’s made up of dogs, some cats, a horse and a few select people. And a forest and mountains and a river. I can’t and won’t forgive her. I don’t hate her and I do understand her and that’s the best she’s getting. 🙂

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  7. Hai tutta la mia comprensione!
    Il fatto di scrivere e poi bruciare le rimostranze verso tua madre , ti hanno certamente liberato…..
    Adesso e’ ora di dire “basta”! Enough is enough!

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