Dear sober customer…

Today is not my day. I am tired as a dog, my mood is a little bit on the low side and my temper and sarcasm shouldn’t be tested.

Unfortunately, someone didn’t get my memo.

I am a cheap ass customer, who pays her monthly, unlimited, prepaid phone plan for her dumb, smart phone online -through our grocery stores website- because by doing so I get fuel points and I like to fill up my gas tank for and apple and an egg.

So I paid my monthly $60 plus tax, got my receipt, printed it and I thought I was done. Normally it takes about 2 minutes, until my service provider sends me a text, and verifies my purchase and congratulates me for using their service.

Today my phone was quiet, no text and the phone didn’t show my purchase on the balance either. CRAPPPPP!

I waited until 7 pm in the evening and then I decided to call the customer service department of the grocery store. (What was I thinking?)

A Lady answered the phone and I explained to her why I was calling. I did use the words “online purchase”, “confirmation number” and “receipt” in my explanation, but somehow that all flew over her head. It did not just fly over her head; it circled over her head for a while, but didn’t land.

“So, you have a receipt?” she asked me. I started to talk a little bit slower and took real heavy breath in between my sentences.

“Yes, Ma’am I have a phone refill receipt, as I explained earlier, that’s why I have a confirmation number.” (Dahhhh).

“Can you give me the bar-code?” she asked and I started to breath heavier, while rolling my eyes.

“Ma’am, it was an online purchase, I didn’t buy a phone card in the store. I sat naked in front of my computer and paid for my phone online, like every months.” (OK, I didn’t say naked…but now in retrospect I should have).

“So you don’t have a refill card?” she asked me and now I added head shaking to my eye rolling and deep breathing.

“No Ma’am, it was an   O N L I N E    P U R C H A S E   (I know I have an accent…but today it seems like I talk Chinese -fluently).

“We only sell phone cards in the store she said, I can’t help you if you don’t give me the bar code,” and I started to count silently backwards from 20 to 0 before I answered.

“I pay for both of our phones online through your webpage since 2 years,” I said and there was silence on the other end, “I have a confirmation number and a receipt, there is NO bar code.” (I think I need a drink).

“Thank you for being a valued customer,” she said and I almost lost it and had a hard time holding back laughter.

Then she had the brilliant idea and asked me to call my phone provider. “Maybe they can help you?” she said and I couldn’t help it, but had to ask her what she thought they would do?

“You want me to call my phone provider and ask them to look into their crystal ball, so that they can help you to locate the money I paid to you?” She didn’t seem to find that very funny (I thought it was brilliant).

Finally the lady took down my information (I hope) and I am expecting a call from a different department on Monday so that they can share some light on the situation. Though, I am not holding my breath…my gut tells me I might have to call again and this time I will be prepared. 

This whole valued-customer-thing is just wrong on so many levels. Why don’t they just tell us the truth? I mean its 7 pm in the evening and I am an adult…I can take it.

I am not a valued customer, I am a sober customer…what doesn’t really work in my favor.

Wouldn’t it be much more honest and helpful if the automated system would start with:

Please press #1 if you are over 21 and you have alcohol in your house and press #2 if you prefer to continue this conversation sober.

 

It’s Friday evening, so I would definitely press #1 and the waiting period would give me enough time to have a drink or two (depending on the severity of the call). 

It would be easier on the call centers too, because most of us would be more relaxed and we wouldn’t give a damn anymore.

Maybe that’s what I should do. I will just get me a big glass of wine and call again?