Sometimes I do mind

 

do you mind2

“Do you mind, if I call  you by your first name?” he asked, “No, I don’t mind” I answered, but I didn’t mean it. I still have a last name and it would be nice to occasionally hear it, especially when I talk to a stranger, who I will never meet in person.  I felt bothered by the question.

“Do you mind…?” These three little words often make me feel uncomfortable. I have been raised to be polite and kind to others -and I am- but sometimes I feel that this question it’s used to take advantage of me and I don’t like that. The simple question, “Do you mind….” seems to bring the worst out of me lately. What has gotten into me?

“Do you mind if I call you by your first name?”

“Yes, I do mind,” I answered 30 days later, after we had just gotten another screwed up bill and there was silence on the other end.

It made me feel a little bit uneasy, and I was wondering what he was typing into his computer about me… BUT…he called me by my last name for the rest of the conversation and more importantly, we continued to talk on a more professional level and it took only half of the time, until he agreed to credit us the money back.

“Do you mind if we try to screw you over on a monthly base?”  “Yes, I do mind, that’s why I am calling in the first place.”  (That’s the real message; hidden in our polite and time wasting conversation).

Answering truthfully had felt good, but it also had left me feeling guilty. Gosh, what has menopause turned me into?

From there it got easier.

“Do you mind if I put you on hold?”

“Yes, I do mind,” I answered and once again there was silence on the other end.

“Excuse me,” she acted like she didn’t understand and I talked slowly when I repeated myself. “I…do…mind…if you put me in hold.” The tone in her voice changed, she was almost unfriendly when she continued talking to me. That made me laugh inside and I got my Southern charm out, called her Honey and Darlin’. I had a ball, not so sure if she felt the same way.

Why do people answer the phone, if the first thing they do is put me on hold? I am not the rude one…they are!

I enjoyed my new found freedom from the do-you-mind-lie until I checked out in the grocery store. I had between 8-12 items in my cart when the lady behind me, who carried just a loaf of bread, asked me:

“Do you mind if I cut in and check out real quickly?”  

My normal response would have been, “Sure, go ahead,” while rolling my eyes inside. (They always pick me to cut the line. Why is that?) I was in a hurry and I had the dogs in the car. To make things worse, I had to go to the ladies room -quite urgently- so I decided to be truthful.

“Yes, I do mind Ma’am, I am in a hurry myself,” and that wasn’t a lie, because if I have to go…I have to go.

She looked at me in disbelieve, like I would be the rudest person on this planet. It made me feel like dirt, but I just smiled at her and continued to check out. A couple of minutes later I left the store and went back to my car.

What is wrong with me? What am I trying to proof to myself. Am I protesting against these small, little white lies? Why don’t I just continue to play the game and say, “No, I don’t mind,” and curse inside -like everybody else?

I was afraid that I would turn into a rude and crude person, until yesterday, when a gentleman asked me. “Do you mind…?”

I didn’t mind, I didn’t mind at all. I dropped everything I was doing and helped a stranger. I still love to help people out, I guess I just decided not to play games anymore, because sometimes I do mind.

do you mind

 

 

 

 

 

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47 thoughts on “Sometimes I do mind

  1. Pingback: Sometimes I do mind – joyful2beeblogs

  2. I’m English, so “No, I don’t mind” is my default mode, although I have also been known to refuse to allow the one item person to go in front of me at the till. But it was 20 years ago and I can still remember how awkward it felt.
    I can see where I’m going wrong with the whole “Do you mind if I put you on hold?” thing, though, as I’ve always assumed that they’re talking to someone else who can help me. Clearly, I need to get tougher there.
    Happily, I’m more or less at an age where I can get away with “Yes, I do mind.” I think if I start practising it in front of the mirror tomorrow, I might be able to say it to a real person in five or six years.

    • Thank you for stopping by my little blog. It’s not as easy as I thought it would be. I guess I was just really aggravated by the “Do you mind if I call you by your first name?” thing.

      I found myself giving it at all times, felt like a doormat, so it’s nice to say, “Yes, I do mind,” once in a while.

      Five year practice will do 🙂

  3. It is so refreshing to know that there are others like myself who never experimented with being hones! I loved this post!! You have inspired me to try to be more honest about how I feel. I would never be rude but if someone asks “do you mind?” I will try to answer more honestly. Half the time people walk up behind me and never ask to butt in but stand there with their one item. I turn, see them and offer them the space ahead of me if I have a lot. Thanks for making us think about this!!

  4. This had me laughing, thinking, head-tilting, pondering, giggling, then commenting and sharing. Great post!!! 🙂
    Hope this weekend treats you well, honestly. 😉

  5. I think of assertiveness as the balance between aggression and being a doormat. Sometimes we, too, are in a hurry, or have been been kept on hold interminably and I think responding honestly, but politely, acknowledging how real feelings is healthy for us. At least, that’s what I strive for, balance and a sense of peace. I have to admit I can be perverse in the face of rudeness, especially toward those who seem to feel entitled to always be at the lead of the line, those who believe their needs are the only ones which matter…and I used to make it a point to try to disrupt those attitudes…but nowI try to just stay true to where I am …and if I don’t mind be glad of helping someone out…but if I do mind, asserting my self is helping someone else who has value: Me! So no guilt in standing up for what you feel! Jo

  6. I have that one pinned on my pinterest thingy somewhere. I like that one. It’s an interesting experience being honest. I’ve tried to be that way the last year or so while working on things on the blog. Seems like I swing back and forth between guilt and freedom. BUT! I’ve never felt mean. I even told the secretary at church last Wednesday that no, I would not give someone a ride to the hospital and sit there with her for three or four hours. That was a first!

    • I am not a mean or rude person either. I felt like a doormat, like everybody would just step over me and my feelings. A lie is a lie, regardless if small or big. These white lies were bothering me. Saying “I don’t mind,” when I do just didn’t seem right anymore.

      It is so hard to learn to say NO. I didn’t think it would be, but it is.

  7. LOVE this and especially do no harm but take no s*&$ !! I have learned to be more assertive, maybe less polite but I don’t care- when I DO mind, I say so. Good for you!!

    • These white lies did bother me. A lie is a lie, no matter how big or small. Why can’t I say, “Yes, this dress indeed makes you look bigger than you are.” Being more assertive..yes, I guess that’s what it comes down to.

      However, it was easier on the phone then in person in the grocery store.

      • It is hard to be so confrontational in person I agree. Also being honest to the point of really hurting someone’s feelings I will draw the line. Unless they are asking for an honest opinion, as your example with the dress, in which case I would say maybe something else would be a better choice!

      • I don’t like to hurt peoples feelings either. Language is a beautiful thing, you can say, “This dress is ugly,” or, “Your beauty and this dress don’t match.”

  8. Nonsmokingladybug, do you mind if I speak for the other side Hold it. I’m joking! I’m old but not terribly cantankerous – my humble opinion. Enjoyed the blog since sometimes I do mind also.

  9. The trouble with being British and of my generation is that we had good manners taught to us from an early age, so that we tend to say ‘yes’ to avoid possible conflict. I can’t wait till I get to the age where everyone expects me to be old and cantankerous 🙂

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