Wings don’t grow overnight!

B/w portrait of a man hiding his face

I am on day #3 of juicing and my husband has just spent the first 9 days as an ex-smoker in his adult life. Needless to say, things in our house can be tense right now.

Here I am drinking my juice while looking at the dog food -trying to decide if it might be worth a try- and there he is, fighting his own demons. Mr. Ladybug came home edgy last night, he was not as cheerful as he normally is; he was quiet and seemed absentminded. He gave short answers and the tone of his voice raised a red flag in my mind.

It is so hard for me to understand what he is going through right now. 2 years is a long time. I can’t really remember anymore, how I had felt when I just quit smoking. We all react differently when we give up a bad habit or an addiction. Some just sail in calm waters, while other’s have to weather one storm after the next.

We were quiet during dinner; I sipped on my juice and watched him eat his meal. I could feel how tense he was, he didn’t have to say anything. Still, there were some things we needed to talk about. I had hired a carpenter to build our new fence gate -after we had failed so miserably- and this guy was taking advantage of me. He overcharged, and what he had built so far was not what we had agreed on.

I brought up the subject and we walked outside; my husband flew off the handle in under 2 seconds. He wasn’t angry with me, he was angry with the guy and his performance. Still, I had to listen to it. He was going on and on and that’s one thing I don’t handle very well. Vent and get it over with, don’t hover over a subject!

I walked away and went back into the house, decided to clean the kitchen instead of listening to him. Half an hour later I was done. I was just ready to open the sliding glass door when I saw my husband. He was sitting on the table outside, holding his face with  his hands. He just sat here, he didn’t move. I could feel his pain and my wish to whack him with the frying pan just disappeared.

He was suffering and I felt lost for a moment. For a short while, I just stood there, wondering what would be the right thing to do.

Does he want to be alone, or should I try to comfort him? There is still my old punching bag in the garage; I had used it when I felt frustrated. Then all of a sudden I remembered, I had bought it after I had quit. That had been my OUT when I felt overwhelmed. (That was before I started to abuse my keyboard). I had all forgotten about it, I had to weather some storm too, did it my way.

I walked outside and sat quietly down beside him. I didn’t say a word, just touched his arm. After a while, he looked up. “I am not giving in,” he said, “but Boy did I want to smoke today.”

People at his work started to notice. The non-smokers are happy for him and cheer him one, the smokers, they don’t say much. They never do, they lose one of them and they don’t like it. Most people wish for change for themselves, but hate it when the people around them actually do it.

My husband is transforming and it is not as easy as he thought it could be. Change has it’s painful moments and I assume that’s how it has to be. Good news for the punching bag might…it might be back in business.

“When she transformed into a butterfly, the caterpillars spoke not of her beauty, but of her weirdness. They wanted her to change back into what she always had been. But she had wings.”
― Dean Jackson

Transformation

Advertisements

28 thoughts on “Wings don’t grow overnight!

  1. You have a knack for reading a situation so well.
    “Most people wish for change for themselves, but hate it when the people around them actually do it” is right to the heart.

  2. Tobacco is more addictive than heroin. I quit 30 years ago and still have cravings from time to time but nothing could make me start again. Thank God for the smoking cessation aids. I used Nicorette and thought it would be hard to quit the NIcorette but no problem. It is said that you have to want to quit but I didn’t. However, once I got past a certain point and saw what smoking had been doing to me, it was a no-brainer. My clothes, my hair, my complexion, my health, time management and my demeanor all had been negatively affected. On the other hand, I could never “Juice”. Good for you!

    • Juicing is hell for the first 3 days, after that it’s just amazing. I think people quit smoking differently, for me it was a walk through the park. My mind was made up. I didn’t suffer at all. My husband -today on day 14- is now in a good mood as well. I quit cold turkey, so did he. I don’t believe in NRT’s because it prolongs the withdrawal.

      Alcoholics don’t stop drinking with a lesser amount of booze, they give it up from one day to the next.

      It is said that tobacco is more addictive than heroin, I suppose whoever said that wanted to make a statement without looking at reality.

      • It would seem like one would be prolonging the withdrawal but not so in my case. The habit was difficult to quit but the nicotine had tapered off and it was obvious that Nicorette was making me hyper so I apprehensively quit the Nicorette one day and that was that. I kept cigarettes around for psychological reasons. With the cigarettes available, I didn’t have desperation to deal with. I told myself, “If you really want one, its here but you will have wasted all that withdrawal.” Of course, everyone is probably different. It was the only time that it actually worked after many attempts. Hmm…I always bought into the Heroin comparison. My husband is a pharmacist so I shall get his take on it also. You are doing great work and my congrats to your husband. Having had my life affected by the alcoholism of others, I can see where you are coming from. It is really great that you have been “paying it forward”. I would have to say though that anyone who had absolutely no problem quitting and there are many, did not have an addiction problem. It was my drug of choice. No drugs or alcohol addiction but nicotine kicked my butt and my mother is and grandfather was alcoholics.

  3. Got quite the laugh out of the dog food comment! 😀 Are any of the folks around him at work trying to sabotage his efforts? It’s so true what you said about they don’t want to lose one of their own. It’s that way with the homies (girls), too, when one of us goes on a (yet another) diet…

  4. I give your husband so much credit- he is fighting off an addiction- I know I don;t have to tell you about the actual physical pains of withdrawl- and giving up smoking leaves pain mentally too. How great he has you who truly understands what he is going through- I’m pulling for him!

      • I think everyone’s body reacts differently to the lack of the nicotine- for some it wreaks havoc. My friend the smoker whom I’ve written about was also addicted to prescription drugs, I only encountered him once when he had not been able to take the pills, and not smoke- and it was frightening to see the change in his demeanor.

  5. It gets better. I still enjoy a whiff of a fresh strangers cigarette and would never criticise a smoker. I have given up on sugar. It was easy. Never been fond of sweets, more of a salty food addict now.

  6. I recently gave up Diet Coke… I hasn’t been easy. I’m a little grumpy myself. Plus, I think it threw something out of whack in my body because I’m packing on weight, which makes me even more grumpy. What I’m saying is… I feel for your husband, and I, also, have considered getting a punching bag. We even priced them at one point.

      • I did it for 30 days right after I had quit all the medications and steroids for Rheumatoid Arthritis. It made a tremendous difference in my life. I was pain free full of energy.

        I feel fine and I am 95% pain free and 100% medication free. I do it twice a year, just for cleansing reasons.

      • 7 days was enough for me… ^_^ on the sixth day, I got so faint I could hardly move. I went to the doctor’s and he said, “Stop that nonsense right now!” So I did. Some people can handle fasting and others cannot. I don’t have the constitution for it. But I’m glad it works for you. ^_^

    • I gave up sodas and coffee, because both interfered with my overall well-being. The weight gain is tricky sometimes, in my age you never know if it’s menopause and hormones or something else.

      It won’t take long and you won’t miss it. I promise!

      • Menopause sucks rocks! >_< Right now, anything that goes on with my body I'm all, "Is it menopause? Or is it something else?" Grrrr. Grrrr. Stupid body.

        Sigh.

        I'll be okay.

  7. Giving birth to a new person is painful but the end result is beautiful. I remember being happy it was bedtime when I quit. Another day down, I would think. Hard, hard, hard to quit.

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s