It is the truth. I think I don’t have it all together, there seems to be a major piece missing. The filter, the one, that goes between brain and mouth, I must have lost it. It’s gone.
I tried to remember where I was, and what I did when I lost it, tried to retrace my steps -but it didn’t work. I didn’t find it. Neither could I find a replacement for it. It seems you get only one and that’s it.
I know I had it when I was born, back then everything was perfect. I didn’t talk right from the start, that came years later. ‘Think before you speak,’ and so I did. I thought and thought and thought…and then I spoke and chose my words wisely.
It often left me unsatisfied. I had rearranged my words so much that the original message had gone lost by doing so. I was polite and charming, the perfect student.
It didn’t get easier when I became an adult. ‘Be careful what you say,’ they warned me, and I was. I tried to find the right wording for every sentence I spoke. I was nice – I sounded smart – I didn’t offend or provoke. Goodness, I was almost perfect.
Just inside I felt total confusion. My way of talking didn’t match with my temper at all. I think that’s about the time when I must have lost my filter.
All of a sudden I had a thought and bla…it came out of my mouth simultaneously. Oh dear, you won’t believe how much more you can talk without it. I felt fabulous.
Not having a filter between brain and mouth is not necessarily negative. I say I LOVE YOU when I think it -there is no holding back. Why hide what you feel. What’s there to lose?
So, I gave up searching for my filter and accepted the fact that it is gone for good. I don’t offend people, and I don’t hurt people on purpose. I have a sense of humor that I use at times, and I hope I get my point across with some class and style because that’s how I was raised.
I say what I think, and I mean what I say, it’s that simple. I live better that way and so do the people around me. What you see is what you get. Take it or leave it. 🙂