Today I decided I will switch careers and become a chief surgeon.
I will have to add some alternative facts and made up pieces of information to my resume, but after that, I should be good to go. I have talent, I can cut a piece of fabric into any shape known to man. How much more difficult can it be to cut into a human being?
And sewing, I mean don’t get me started. I can sew a zipper in anything; I am a master of my craft. It can’t be that much more complicated in an operating room, though I might have to let go of the zippers.
My future looks bright. Bye-bye furniture, bye-bye little workroom; I am ready to make some big bucks. I will get a nice white coat and a fine office, perhaps even a secretary or two.
Once hired, I should be safe. I won’t be alone during surgeries and my colleagues and the nurses will be there to step in and cover for me anytime. Afterward, I will deny everything and nobody will ever know that I don’t have a clue.
As for the patients, they won’t notice a thing -they don’t have a say in it. They will be deep asleep, and most of them can’t afford to pay the hospital bill anyway. What do they have to lose? What do I care?
Don’t blame me, I just go with the flow. People without any knowledge, experience or qualification are being voted into the highest positions. I am just following the trend; I want to be one of them.
This is my satirical take on the confirmation of Betsy DeVos. If a Billionaire, who has never set foot in a public school can be our education secretary, then I should be okay as a chief surgeon. At least I have been in a hospital once or twice. What do you think?
My sincere apologies to all the Chief surgeons and surgeons out there. You do a terrific job!