Just Kill it for Heaven’s Sake

Image result for gigantic mosquito

If you come across a Mosquito in the size of a helicopter, please, be so nice and kill it. It has been in our house and bit me about 250 times in under five minutes. It deserves the death penalty -no questions asked. 

My husband says it bit me because I am sweet but not anymore, it sucked the sweetness out of me.

It’s a racist Mosquito, it likes white women only. It left my friend alone, and she was sitting right beside me.

I am not sure if the Mosquito is female, but if it is, then it’s gay. It left my husband and his friend alone, I got all the attention. Lucky me!

On the other hand, if the Mosquito is male, then it’s a womanizer, I tried to get away. Not a chance!

If the Mosquito is religious, it’s not Catholic. I said, “Jesus Christ” a few times and it didn’t help, neither did it listen.

The Mosquito doesn’t like its own kind. The dogs were laying right there. That’s like serving it on a silver platter. But no, it came back to me, ignored them all night long. Not an animal lover, not at all.

There is a chance the Mosquito might be an alcoholic. I had two glasses of wine -the good stuff. I am sober now, but the Mosquito might need rehab by now.

The Mosquito is not a team player and it doesn’t play by the rules. Mosquitos are supposed to hate lemon candles, not this one, it’s immune or just a pervert.

So, now you know it all.

Please, go offline and get that damn thing. I tried, and I failed.

Image result for mosquito gif

 

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19 thoughts on “Just Kill it for Heaven’s Sake

  1. Like you, I’m a magnet and this has been a particularly bad spring/summer for them. I am covered in little red welts from those blood-thirsty little vampires. I’ve even been bitten right through my clothes. No punishment can be severe enough … even death. I want them to SUFFER!!

    btw – have you ever noticed how much itchier you are at night when you’re trying to fall asleep?

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  2. Some one told me or I read somewhere that mosquitos hate fabric softener sheets (the smell) and tend to avoid anyone who might have that scent on them (like putting the sheet in a pocket or something). I don’t know if it works though, because somehow I always forget to put on IN my damn pocket if I’m outside. I mean who walks around with a fabric softener sheet in their clothes?? Mosquitos are fickle too…one year I never got bitten, although my neighbor did (severely) and the next year they came after me. This year it appears whatever they’ve sprayed around here has killed or scared off the little buggers or it’s just too dry and hot for them to survive. My sympathies to you !

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  3. Very funny. Sorry, didn’t mean to laugh at your pain… 😉

    Bugs are like that – they pick one individual to harass. The ticks love-love our dog Idina, but only occasionally get attached to Fiyero. The deer fly eat Fiyero alive but don’t touch Idina. the little black flies (a New England horror) eat me alive while ignoring the dogs. You must be a mosquito magnet.

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  4. you are too sweet my dear- you and my husband. They don;t come near me and he gets eaten alive. I always say there must be some chemical the body gives off that attracts them to some people and not others. Even as a kid, I was never bit while my friends were covered with welts.

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