Why I hate Mother’s Day

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“Happy Mother’s Day,” he said, looked at me and gave me the receipt. He meant well, so do all the others, wishing me the same thing over and over since years. Now I just smile politely, a smile that doesn’t reach my eyes and everybody who knows me well, would notice. The strangers in the stores they don’t know me, they don’t notice. How could they? It’s their job to be polite to customers. They mean no harm. The younger ones, who don’t have children, think about their own mothers. The older ones, who have children smile, think about their own kids. It’s natural so it seems.

A good friend of mine doesn’t leave her house at Mother’s Day, she sits at home and waits it out. She is a mother or has been a mother. Do you stop being a parent when your child dies? No, you don’t. A day like today hurts the ones who suffered the loss of a child. She takes a trip back on memory lane each year, looks at old pictures and wishes the special day would just go away for good.

I don’t have children. Not by choice, but by nature’s will. Something that was hard to deal with, when I was younger. There were Mother’s Days when I got all teary-eyed and told people to, “Shuffle it”. I am not a rude person -not at all- try to be kind and succeed 95% of the times – the other 5% must be hormones.

It’s hard to want something so badly. I watched all my friend around me expecting children and it just wasn’t in the cards for us. It hurt and we felt cheated. “Making Babies,” the easiest and most natural thing in the world, was the most complicated subject in our house for a while. It took a few years until reality finally sunk in and acceptance took over. There was a day when we gave up trying and enjoyed life again the way it was. We are happily married without children. Now we joke about it and have a sticker on the car stating, “Our kids have four paws.” Not so far from the truth, our dogs are spoiled rotten.

“Well, then think about your Mother,” was another advice, I have been given a few times over the years. Really? My Mother was a violent, abusive alcoholic, who would have beaten me to little, tiny pieces if I wouldn’t have given the chance to live with my Grandmother. I saw my Mother 3 more times after the age of 6 and all three encounters weren’t pretty -especially the last one. I was an adult then, stomped her verbally into the ground, gave her a piece of my educated mind. It was the final Goodbye. A big weight lifted off my shoulders then and it never came back, couldn’t bring me down any longer. Did she ever feel sad on Mother’s Day? Did she ever feel regret? I don’t know and it doesn’t matter anymore.

So, celebrating the woman who gave birth to me isn’t in the cards either.

Mother’s Day is just not my favorite day and that’s alright.

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33 thoughts on “Why I hate Mother’s Day

  1. I do hear what you have to say Bridget, and have several friends who also hate Mother’s Day. Several of my friends didn’t have children, and others have extremely complicated feelings about their own mothers. You hit the nail on the head in describing your own circumstances. It’s such an artificial “holiday” that really doesn’t make a lot of sense to me anyway. Those of us with good mother-child relationships really don’t need a separate event, and I always feel the burden for my children, quite frankly. They feel obligated to “do something” and that’s the last thing I really want. I’m glad you shared from your own heart, Bridget. Honestly, although I don’t share the same experiences I think I can understand. Father’s Day is another hurdle coming up for so many! Is it all to shore up the greeting card industry? Seems to me…

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  2. Bridget ~ It’s an emotional holiday and very much over-hyped. I think it’s beautiful that you and your husband have such a devoted relationship that’s brought you through the years. I watched Oprah’s commencement speech and thought to myself that she’s Mama Oprah to so many with her wisdom. We mother in so many different ways ~ like blogging.
    http://www.meinthemiddlewrites.com

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  3. I’m the mother of two , but don’t absolutely agree with this celebration
    I ‘ve had a sad experience , too , with my own mother as a child and then she died before we could establish a real connection…..
    I think Mother’s Day has much more to do with our past than with our present ….and , moreover , the merit only goes to GOOD mothers , not to whoever has born a child….

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  4. I’ve been away a while making a major move. I’m settled (vaguely) now and stepping back into the blogosphere. I am glad that I am because otherwise I might have missed this post. I’m not going to say much because I don’t think it is right to comment per se except to send you my heartfelt warmth and friendship. Strength to you dear lady – you have endured too much.

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  5. I pressed return before adding a comment to the link above Bridget. I’ve come across so many ladies over the years who have had to cope with all the cooing and arghing over babies and small children and having to keep quiet when really they would like to shout out “It’s not fair!” Hugs to you, and to all those who would have been wonderful Moms if only they had the chance.

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  6. No kids here either, but by choice. So different than what you’ve been through. My mom died unexpectedly in 2004, and for many years Mother’s Day really hurt, but now I’ve gotten to the point I can walk down the card aisle at the grocery store without tearing up. I don’t actually look at the cards though. I think it’s progress enough to get past this day without crying. This year I couldn’t even write a mother’s day blog post. Don’t know why, just dont’t feel like I have anything new to say about the topic of a deceased mom on a holiday to celebrate moms. So I’m going to take the camera and go for a walk in the woods.

    Hugs to you. The day is half over, you’ve got this.

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  7. I hope one day the trauma caused by a ‘mother’ like yours heals. That’s a horrible thing to have endured. 😦 Me? I am childless unless you count my short, hairy child, who has four legs and is hard to understand. I live in a community that values FAMILY above everything and yes, today is hard. My mum died in 2005. We didn’t always get along, but today it came to me that despite our differences, I never ever doubted she loved me. Fiercely. I’m so sorry for your situation, no child deserves that kind of beginning. I have a relative who endures the same kind of feelings for her own mother, who is still living. The woman isn’t an alcoholic, but she is brutal and vindictive and even at a great age continues to beat her children…only verbally now. I’m glad you got to tell your own ogre off… Take care today sweetie.

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    • I heeled a long time ago. Time has passed and I had my final goodbye twice. I had a wonderful childhood, my parents were just a part of it for a short time. My life made a dramatic turn when I was six years old, thanks to my Grandmother.

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  8. Oh, that’s sad and it’s perfectly alright if you do not like Mother’s Day. Although I am a mother, I can do without this day very well and also forget about my own mother regularly. I just like it better if a hug or a heartbeat just does not happen on a particular day and because it is so expected. I do not have to show the world that I love my mother, but only her alone, whenever I want. That such days pain people who would like to be parents is understandable, just as other days (Valentine’s Day, Christmas …) can hurt when the loved ones are missing. Very nice post!

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  9. with you, my friend. Childless by choice, less than perfect relationship with my mother- and I get so resentful when a salesperson says Happy Mother’s Day- when I read what you wrote I thought I was reading my own post 🙂

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