More Than a Cry in The Dark

Last night I sat in the dark; tears were rolling down my cheeks. I don’t cry often. If I do, then it’s because of a book or a movie. When a story touches my heart, that’s when I cry. I can’t help it, it’s a defense mechanism I suppose. 

I have cried out of anger and of course grief, but last night was different. Last night was a hopeless cry, tears came out of an emptiness I feel lately. Part of me doesn’t even want to feel anymore, yet I do.

If there is a wall needed, it is the one around my heart. Special passage through, only for the ones I love, the rest won’t be able to reach me anymore.

I am not sure why I cried. I was all by myself, my husband had gone to sleep already, the dogs were snoring and dreaming beside me. I had just turned the TV off, tried to cope with what I had just heard, and knew I couldn’t.

I think I cried for humanity, empathy, and civility. Perhaps I wept because I wished for mercy or something similar, that would make it all stop.

I had just watched the news,  had seen pictures of the detention shelter for the children who have been separated from their parents. Children of migrant parents, people who were unlucky in the birth lottery, trying to find a better life for themselves and their children. On the way to America -like so many before them.

I want to tell them “Stay away from us! They hate you here,” but I know they won’t listen. How could they?

I had known that we separate the children from the parents, had tried to avoid to read or hear about it. There is only so much I can take. Avoidance is the only answer I have these days. I try to protect myself. This ongoing sadness deep inside me is killing my spirit.

The news took me by surprise. It came up when I quit streaming, at the moment I switched back to local TV. Before I knew it, I listened and I watched. A detention center for the boys was shown and it rattled me down to my core.

I felt shame and disbelieve. This is not about politics, this is so much more. This is about humanity. I don’t care if the RIGHT or the LEFT won or lost. This is not about political affiliation. I don’t care about who is President and all the other changes. While I don’t like most of them, I can live with it -will temporarily adjust just like everybody else.

But hearing how cruel and brutal we are, how we make people suffer, who already suffer, that is just too much.

The children must be terrified without their parents. Who does that?

Tears might be the only statement I have left right now.