My Abbys

30 Best Fear of Heights images | Fear of flying, Fear, Overcoming

I hike, I climbed the mountains like a goat. I skied fearlessly down black diamond slopes, yet I am not good with heights. Put me on a ladder and I will climb up like the wind, coming down, that’s a different story.

I have spent hours on a one-story rooftop, waiting for someone to rescue me, just because I had to prove to myself that I was capable to hang the Christmas lights -which I couldn’t do because I looked down.

I am drawn to the abyss, fear rooftop bars, and wouldn’t go on the balcony of a penthouse if you would pay me. None of it makes sense, but perhaps it does. I am -and always have been- a person with contradictions.

Ever since I am a little girl, I have two recurring dreams. In one of them, I find myself trapped up at a hight place. Something, that I have never seen, is behind me and no matter if I am on the roof or on a mountain cliff, I fear that I might have to jump into the depth, of whatever might be down there.

I have never told anybody about it. I assume I am not the only one who has dreams like this. We try to run, but feel paralyzed and can’t move. I suppose some movies and crime stories I have seen -or read- might have something to do with it.

A few weeks back I found myself back in my dream world and once again I was standing close to an edge. Something told me that this time was different. I would not wake up, instead, I would jump and I did.

In my dream, I took a few steps and I fell. I felt the sensation of falling in my sleep. It was real, even so, it wasn’t. I remember the surprise and I heard myself say, “Oh my Gosh I jumped,” and then it all changed.

I didn’t fall further, instead, I glided through the air. I could fly and I felt tremendous joy.

Is it possible that I could fly all this time, but found myself stuck in the same situation over and over because I didn’t dare to finish my dream? Do we even have the power to manipulate our illusions or the outcome of our dreams?

After flying for a while I woke up. I felt unbelievably satisfied and I found myself smiling. Who in the world lies in bed in the middle of the night smiling like a fool?

The next morning I felt the same excitement and I told my husband about my dream. He did not share my enthusiasm. I suppose nobody can. After all, it was just a dream. A dream that has hunted me for years had finally come to an end, and the outcome was so different from what I had expected.

I don’t believe in dream interpretations, and I am not superstitious -other than the stuff my Grandma made me believed in -like throwing salt over my left shoulder.

Interestingly enough, I stopped having the dream about heights. Perhaps deep down I know now that there is nothing that can stop me. I can always fly away and enjoy the view. I will never fall, that’s all I needed to now.

In my dreams, I can fly!

Believe me i can fly: song with lyric - YouTube

10 thoughts on “My Abbys

  1. So happy t hear you are free of a fear that has kept you company all these years. Many years ago, following a tragedy, I hardly slept and read books all night. One of them was about sleep and said that we can interfere in our dreams and take charge (it may have described lucid dreaming, but I can’t remember). Not long after that I had a nightmare about something fearsome following me and about to attack. In the dream I remembered the advice and turned and bellowed at it and it disappeared. Since our thoughts are own and products of our own minds, we can take charge sometimes even when we feel we have no control.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Oh, how interesting. I am so glad you turned around and stood your ground. Perhaps in our dreams we live the change we wish for in real life. I am not sure but I know for sure I will not have the nightmare about being stuck at a high place, ever again. Does that makes sense?

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I have had a couple of flying dream, one on a Back to the Future style hover-board! I think I’ve also woken with a huge smile. In flying dreams you are completely free of fear and worldly constraints. It’s what makes them so special. It seems as though in yours you made a huge psychological leap.


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