Scar or Wound?

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How we look at our scars is entirely up to us. We get hurt, and when we heal, what’s left is a mark -inside or outside. As many of you know, my husband had open-heart surgery just two years ago. Whenever I look at his naked chest I shudder and wish somehow I could have prevented it, but it only lasts for a few seconds, then I am grateful. He looks at his scar with joy. He was spared a heart attack and considers himself the luckiest man alive.

The way we look at scars is entirely up to us. Will it be a constant reminder of the pain and hurt that happened to us, or will we look at it gratefully and with grace, because recovery and survival are not always a given.

A scar means we are healed, and it’s time to move on. Slowly perhaps, one step at a time. Life might be different from now on, but it’s still there to be lived to the fullest -even if we have restrictions or have to take medication. Scars are a trophy, given to us by life. They are often also a reminder to be more careful in the future, perhaps a nudge to make us realize we are not invincible.

Animals, when they get hurt, they often lick their wounds. At first, it’s helpful. Their saliva disinfects the wound. It helps with the healing process, but often it becomes an obsession and they will continue licking, and by doing so, they prevent the wound from healing. The constant opening of the injury keeps it from getting better, and so the wound stays open indefinitely until we interfere.

If it’s our dog or cat, we put a collar on them and make sure they can’t harm themselves anymore, and while the animal doesn’t understand, it will soon forget the urge to re-open the old injury and will no longer interrupt the healing process.

For us humans, not all wounds heal easily, especially the invisible ones. Sometimes we keep on licking and we might need professional help. Where is our collar, when we linger in the past and lick our wounds and keep them from healing?

Someone left a comment: “You had to overcome so much in your past.” It wasn’t the first time I read it and again I wondered why she would leave a comment like that.

We all have to overcome things in our past that weren’t pleasant. In my case, it’s useless, alcoholic parents, who unknowingly through their self-destructive lifestyle gave me the best childhood I could have ever wished for. The first six years with them? A blur! The 12 years that followed with grandma, a present I will cherish forever.

We have two choices in life. We back down and declare ourselves victims, point fingers, and blame the past for our shortcomings and wrongdoings, or we stand up tall and are at peace with the past and everything bad and unfair that might have happened to us on our journey through life. Whatever occurs, the good, the bad, the ugly -it helped us become the person we are at the present time.

Scar or wound?

Who would I be today, without my useless, alcoholic parents and without the perspicuity of my grandma? Life doesn’t create victims. We become victims either by doing nothing or by living in fear after hurtful things happen to us. The unfairness of our being is something we have to live through.

My history left scars, but not a wound. What a profound difference it is. Scars show that we healed, wounds stay open. I choose scars! It doesn’t mean I forget, but it means I moved on and accept that whatever happened is part of my life.

Should we fear to love again when we lose a loved one? Should we be afraid of moving forward, because of what happened in the years before?

We were homeless, houseless, broke with a shot credit, and soon we would be without a vehicle as well. Was it unfair? Yes, of course. 2009 or 2010 were years of unfairness worldwide. We were only one couple of millions around the globe.

Victims of the financial crisis? Yes, sure.
Victims of the banking scandal and the following recession? That too.

Victims suffer. We didn’t suffer. We lost material things, had uncomfortable moments, and we hit rock bottom hard, but we were not suffering. The starving people in Africa? They are suffering, they truly are victims. People held against their will, being tortured and raped, being sold into slavery or prostitution. They are victims.

We were not victims.

Circumstances have made us homeless. If we would stay homeless, this would be up to us and we didn’t intend to let it just happen. Not with a hell of a fight.

Scar or Wounds?

I choose scars -always!

23 thoughts on “Scar or Wound?

  1. Wow what a lovely insight! I do agree with you, but sometimes it’s hard if you wish to chose the scar and your brain keeps stuck in the wounds.
    I’ve been though my share of things and I know the struggles life can throw at you. I wish to chose for scars, to have lived, learned and grown. But some things my mind keeps as wounds, I still have recurring nightmares about it and it feels so real that my watch registers a heart rate high above my normal nights resting one. ๐Ÿ˜”
    Thank you for sharing this. You keep writing things that gives me food for thoughts and I enjoy it. Have a lovely day and I’m very happy that the surgery for your hubby was successful ๐Ÿ€.

    Liked by 1 person

    • The surgery happened in 2020 and was a miracle all by itself. He didn’t pass a stresstest when he had pre-op for shoulder surgery. They kept him right then and there. It was a rollercoaster, to say the least. I am glad I make you think. I like it. ๐Ÿ™‚ I think it’s a great compliment.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Very glad then that there were no issues during and after the surgery! I know how many tests they usually do before different kinds of surgery (grandma had many heart surgeries). And very happy that he’s seeing this so positively! โ™ฅ
        Yes you make me think! My autism can out on blinders making me see only what it wants me to see. Your posts here make me able to peek around them and experience new things, thoughts and feelings and I’m very, very grateful for that! ๐Ÿค— Have a wonderful day.

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  2. You have a perspective we don’t hear very often! I think people tend to recoil from identifying themselves as victims, but as you have so clearly identified, if the scars and hurts are rehearsed over and over, it is living as a victim, not an overcomer. What you’ve shared is incredibly important and needs to be carefully considered. I know I will!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Insightful, heartfelt, thought-provoking. It’s so true when you say: “Whatever occurs, the good, the bad, the ugly -it helped us become the person we are at the present time.” I’ve got lots of scars. Sad to say, some wounds are not yet fully healed.

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    • It’s solely up to us how we handle the past and the wounds. I started to let go years ago and it was healing in so many ways. The grudge we hold, the anger, the disappointment that goes with it. I hope all your wounds will heal fully and become scars.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. I love your philosophical outlook Bridget. Many could benefit by adopting just a little of your attitude to life. There is a tendency nowadays for people to have a “woe is me” way of life, complaining about the unfairness and inequity rather than fixing things and getting on with living. I realise that is a simplistic way of looking at it, and many have insurmountable problems that require lots of help and support. Well written, and well done!

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  5. We might be victimized at times in our lives. It’s our reaction that either keeps us a victim or helps us learn the lesson and move forward. Great post! Really good how you compared a scar and a wound.

    Liked by 2 people

  6. This is a wonderful way of looking at life. It is empowering, to say the least. We can also help others heal by our words and our deeds. I would bet many others have been inspired by you whether you were aware of it or not. And you are right. Everyone deals with unfairness. That’s part of life.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. This is thought-provoking and I tend to agree with you. We cannot undo the past and so it is more helpful to focus on the future. While this is easier to say than always to do, it remains a positive goal.

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