A Blogging Crisis?

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I haven’t been blogging much lately. Every time I sat down at my desk with the intention to write a post, our now nine-month-old Vader laid down at my feet and looked at me with his puppy eyes. Perfect dog owners don’t grow on trees, they are carefully trained by their dogs -and I knew I had to spend more time with him.

They grow up so fast and he is trying to act mature already, even though he fails miserably at times. The puppy dance, the floppy ears, the nose under my arm, trying to steal a hug. He is a busy bee, trying to figure out why licking the glass door is not the same as cleaning it. So precious, so entertaining.

I used him as an excuse for a blogging break, but deep down I knew better.

So much has been on my mind lately, and a lot is considered to be non-blogging material if one wants to believe the self-appointed blogging experts.

I started to write a post about police brutality worldwide. I wanted to remind the US that’s is indeed a global problem. I requested to look deeper and wished to involve all minorities and especially women in holding cells and prisons, but I never published what I wrote. I feared it would be too political, too honest, too downright down to earth perhaps?

Too much negativity, and too much politics. We are all in self-preservation mode. Let us keep our sanity, please! But will I stay sane if I close my eyes (and ears)?

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I wrote about the black anthem, something I never knew we had, and wondered if it was needed. My European soul has many questions, so many will never be answered. How do we unite if we divide more and more? How do we bypass pigment and race, if we point it out every chance we get? How do we overcome our differences, when we are made aware of them every day? Another subject that makes people uncomfortable these days and so another post ended up in the draft folder.

A pope died and I wrote about how I had met him so many years ago. “The crying nun” was the title of the post. Would it offend all the religious people in the US if I would honestly admit how much I disliked him and his behavior? Probably and so another post bit the dust.

Black history is important, but so is the white, Asian, and Hispanic history -and all the mistakes that have been made. Banishing movies and books for racism is like bleeping out curse words and sex scenes out of movies, pretending it just never happens -oh, wait we do that already. ‘Delete, delete, delete’ and so it went in the trash bin, I skipped the drafts altogether.

So much on my mind is not funny but I am.

Should I confess how much I love the new show “Ghosts” and how it makes me giggle like a little girl and how it makes my husband chuckle? Or does it make us look like fools?

Yet, I want to write about police brutality, and dead floating migrant children -because I am named after one.

I want to write my heart out about an unconditional love that for a short while became a love that asked for certain conditions. An ultimatum was set (by me) but again, it might be too honest. Bloggers are all happily married (always) or divorced, and then they write about their miserable, lousy exes. Sigh!

Where does it leave me? Admitting our marriage had hit a rough spot last year. How would it make me look? A temporarily Unhappy Happy Quitter? Another paradox in a life full of contradictions?

Perhaps I should write about my struggles to be nicer to certain people, and how I find myself guilt-struck at times because I miserably fail and seem to behave the same way when similar situations occur. Once again I slammed the door at the census lady and lost my temper at a poor guy somewhere overseas who tried to help but wasn’t helpful. Yet the census lady and I had a reunion, one I am proud of. I was nice and pleasant, but stern and made myself heard. Issue solved, case closed!

Nice? Hmm!

This year, right after New Year, I got my behind kicked. I failed a project because I ignored my inner voice. After years of professional praise and success, I finally made a customer very unhappy, and wondering now, how can I make it right, so I can look in the mirror and still be proud of what I do?

I am human, but on my blog, I need to shine. Or perhaps I don’t? Just like I tell Vader “Be a good boy” am I supposed to be a good girl at The Happy Quitter all the time?

Perhaps we grow as bloggers, writers, and storytellers and sooner or later we all come to a crossroads. Perhaps that’s the moment when many bloggers close their blogs for good. Should I do the same?

Or should I continue but not write about what’s on my mind? Nine years after I started my blog I am not sure anymore.

I have been struggling with blogging. If I continue I will blow all ‘blogging rules out of the water for good.

That however would be so me!~

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