Am I angry at the Ball?

If a ball doesn’t move the way they expect, physicists would be disappointed with their theory of gravitation, not with the ball. When people don’t behave the way we expect, we should be disappointed with our theories about people, not people.

This is one piece of wisdom I could have done without. However, I can’t dismiss it and act like I didn’t read it and so it leaves me wondering if my disappointment in people is actually just that, anger at the ball?

Are my expectations too high -and perhaps also unfair?

I have this theory about how I want people to be and, to be honest, it’s not a very realistic one. I want people to be heroic, brave, honest, kind, fair, intelligent, accepting, warm, generous, and comforting…

…yet the ball lands where it wants to.

My theory of people clashes with reality -always has, and perhaps always will. Where does my arrogance -and the ignorance- to expect others to be extraordinary, come from?

My vision of a nonviolent society and a peaceful world, where people would live together in harmony, where we would acceptance each other regardless of religion, race, gender, sexual orientation -and all the other small stuff we like to make big- started when I was just a teenage girl in a classroom full of other girls all close to my age.

We were the second generation after Word War II, in a boarding school for privileged girls in Western Europe. We heard about the wars, the pain and the cruelty past generations had inflicted on each other and we just knew we, and all the generations after us, would be different.

Interestingly enough, I was never only disgusted when leaders brought so much harm to people, but also sickened by the crowd who didn’t react. In Latin class, when I learned how the mob reacted two thousand years ago, when they watched gladiators fight for their lives or freedom, I wasn’t just bothered by the brutality the rulers showed, but also deeply disappointed with the audience. Why were they even there? How could they feel any excitement -or entertainment- when others fought for their lives?

It wasn’t just Hitler and his helpers who outraged me but also the surrounding soldiers who fought in his army -not the foot soldiers who were sent to the front lines- but the ones who stayed behind and knew about his insanity, but didn’t stop him. The citizens saw and heard the trains but did nothing.

I wish for people to be heroic, brave, honest, kind, fair, intelligent, warm, generous, and comforting.

So what about me? Do I fulfill other people’s theories or am I myself the ball that doesn’t move as expected?

To be honest, I fear I am the ball.

Just yesterday I lost my temper -again- and barked at someone far away. A call center employee in another country who certainly tried his best to accommodate my needs, and who was trying to do his best, got rewarded with a heavy dose of sarcasm, given by me so freely, to a total stranger who was only trying to do his job.

How quickly I judge the ‘other side’ just because they don’t think or behave how I want them to.

I am angry at the ball…all the time!

Why do I have such high expectations? It’s not like I don’t know better. Lower your expectations and they might surprise you?

Here in America, some are fired up by the slogan to make America great again, which I think is not possible because let’s be honest, how can a country be great when half of the citizens are not great -of course, to be judged by the other side, who thinks of them of being great or right (or left.)

If both opposite sides think they are right, who is wrong and who determines it? Are they all right? All wrong? All great? All balls?

Again, I am angry with the balls, not with gravity!

It leaves me wondering, who do I disappoint -in theory, of course. 🙂