You Shall Not Lie (About your Weight)

“What’s your weight now?” the nurse on the phone wanted to know, and I sighed. I was wondering what I had told them way back then when I still wanted to lose weight. I started chuckling a bit. It was early in the morning, way too early for any kind of lie -not even a very white one.

Since I have promised myself to be more open on my blog, and this of course MUST also include writing about some of my shortcomings, here you go, this is how the conversation went, and how I became my own MORNING LAUGHTER.

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Nurse @ 7:20 am: “You have a virtual appointment today with the Doctor at 3 pm. I am calling for the pre-check-in.”

Me: “Good morning.”

Nurse: (Names all my medications and supplement) “Are you still taking all of them?”

Me: “Kinda…I have adjusted some of the amounts? I went down on Fruitloops (That’s what I named the low-dose chemo drug) because I couldn’t handle eight pills. I added Zinc to my supplements, halved the amount of Folic Acid (needed to avoid the side effects of the Chemo drug), added Probiotics, forgot about the Multi-Vitamins, and so on.

Nurse: “So you adjusted pretty much all your meds?”

Me: “Kinda.”

Nurse: “You need to explain that to the doctor.”

Me: “Will do” (Sipping my decaf, brown-water-coffee-wanna-be -still trying to wake up)

Nurse: “What was your pain level last week, from 0 to 10?”

Me: “2-3 sometimes a ZERO. I stopped my pain meds too, and I am tickled pink”

Nurse: “Laughs…awesome”

Nurse: “What’s your weight right now?”

Me: “Well, that’s the thing, I have lost 47 pounds in the last seven months. 20 pounds more than I wanted to lose.”

Nurse: “So you don’t know your weight?”

Me: “Yes, I do, but I don’t know what I told you guys two years ago.”

Nurse: (Chuckling) “So you lied about your weight?

Me: (Also chuckling) “Yes of course!” (Chuckling loud)

Nurse: “And you have lost 47 pounds?”

Me: “Yes, and it stinks that I don’t remember the weight I gave you back then.”
“I got a new scale, one that actually works, now I know my weight.”

Nurse: “Let me help you.” And she tells me the number I gave them back then.

Me: “Ahhh shoot! I will need to lose 25 more pounds to hit my lie?”

Nurse: (Roaring with laughter)

Me: (Laughing as well) “By then I will be underweight.”

Nurse: “How about your height? Is that still accurate?” (Snickering)

Me: “Who knows. What did I tell you?” (We both lost it)

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I got a good laugh first thing in the morning. Also, another life lesson. No matter how small or insignificant a lie might seem, just don’t do it!

Why did I lie about my weight? We had an old scale, one that gave out numbers like the ball machine at a church bingo. I didn’t know my weight, because I never stepped on it. When I was asked to monitor my weight, that’s when I invested in a new modern scale. The scale now even remembers our weight, which my husband thinks is unnecessary and very inconvenient.

Fascinating how it works. The moment I put my health first and changed my diet accordingly, when I ate and adjusted to feel good when I cooked to be pain-free, then weight loss happened and it was just a side effect.

Sucks to lie about your weight first, and then you can’t brag about your weight loss. 🙂