Dear Celine!

Last night I cried for Celine Dion, a woman we all seem to know without knowing her at all. Her latest film, “I am Celine Dion” the most honest documentary I have ever seen, shows her struggle with her disease at the end of the film.

It’s intense, it’s ugly, it’s painful to watch, it’s honest and shocking

Celine has an autoimmune disorder, a neurological disorder called Stiffman Syndrome. I had never heard of it, but then I had never heard of any of the incurable disorders until I got diagnosed with one myself. In my case, it’s RA, Rheumatoid Arthritis. A nightmare, a rollercoaster I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy.

What a silly thought anyway. You don’t wish anybody to get sick, at least not if you are a normal person. You send them to hell in your thoughts or you ask Karma to take care of them. Sickness is nothing you wish on anybody.

I never knew what being sick meant, and neither did I know how resilient and stubborn I really am. I even argue with my pain. Which sane person does that? Or perhaps all of us who deal with pain and discomfort do it one way or the other.

We are trying to find a way out of our misery. We are on a quest to find answers to all the questions we have. “Remission” is the goal and discipline comes in handy. Celine is fighting, Selma Blair is fighting MS, Christina Applegate is struggling with RA, and so many more share now openly their battles. I applaud them for it. Thank you!

Keep on spreading the word, keep on showing your beauty while fighting something so ugly

At the end of the film, when I watched Celine’s body being stiff, tortured by cramps; when they held her head so they could give her a dose of medicine, when this woman lay there so vulnerable, in so much agony, tears started rolling down my face. Tears were in her eyes as well.

I do not know how she feels, but sadly I can imagine it. Was I crying for her or for myself? Both?

Just a month ago I was cramping up myself. It happened in both of my legs in the middle of the night. From my toes to my calves, up the back of my thighs. It woke me, it startled me, it scared me out of my mind. I had to lean against a dresser and gulped down a box of coconut water that I always have on my nightstand. Nutrition, Magnesium, Potassium, some deficiencies might cause the cramping, or perhaps it’s a side effect of a medication I take. Who knows. I drank a bottle of water, hoping I was dehydrated.

If wishes and hopes could move mountains

I cried out for my husband who I woke from a deep sleep. He felt helpless and put cream on my legs, another cramp weapon I keep on my nightstand just in case. When minutes feel like hours when time stands still, when you want to scream but you know it won’t help and the sound you make is more of a whimper. When the anger inside overwhelms you – an inner outrage because the unfairness of life is sometimes hard to bear, that’s when you feel most alone and helpless.

After a while my husband called 9/11 he felt powerless. I wanted to help but couldn’t do anything. I scolded him for calling them but it was too late, they were on their way and sure enough, minutes later they pulled up in front of our house. At 4:30 am in the morning, early enough for all the neighbors to miss the spectacle. When the two paramedics walked into the bedroom I sat on the bed, exhausted and embarrassed. The cramps had passed and now I felt guilt. “I am so sorry,” I mumbled numerous times. I was trying to apologize to the paramedics that we had called them.

“That’s our job,” the younger one told me. They took my vital signs and I was vital. “No need to apologize,” they assured me.

Celine Dion felt embarrassed too after her seizure had passed. I know how she feels? We are not sick in our minds. Our bodies don’t work the way they did before and our heads haven’t accepted it. Our minds are searching for answers. We feel like a burden. We hate to be that vulnerable. We hate what is happening to us.

“I will sing again,” Celine Dion says and I hope she will.

I always joked, “If we ever win the jackpot in the lottery I will go to a private hospital for a couple of weeks and I will get the best medication there is.” The one that cost 5K a month, that sounded like a dream. The one we can’t afford and the insurance doesn’t pay for.

Oh Celine, you just showed me that all the money in the world can’t buy health

In a world so full of fake reality shows and produced documentaries, all scripted, and staged, not a wrinkle seen or a hair out of place, where everything is a “drama” and everyday life is made into something it is not, it’s refreshing to see a celebrity like Celine Dion to show The Good, The Bad and The Ugly so openly. Without makeup, without touch-ups, just reality and yes, it’s hard to watch.

It’s incredibly difficult to watch her world fall apart and hear her dealing with personal and professional challenges. Such a confident and successful lady unsure of her next steps. Despite everything, her voice and singing are her life. Witnessing her struggle to sing through her pain is utterly heartbreaking, yet it highlights her resilience and unwavering dedication to her craft. This documentary is a poignant reminder of Celine’s humanity, making her story all the more relatable and touching.

Nobody is immune to fate and the question, “Why me,” should always be answered by each one of us with, “Why not?”

I needed to see Celine’s struggles to be more open about my own. I live a different nightmare, a similar form of hell on earth. I suppose we all do -one way or another.

A customer of mine is struggling with her cancer treatment. She had seven blood transfusions in the last ten days, her platelet count is low and it has to come up, so she can go through another round of chemo.

How lucky am I? I only take a low-dose chemo drug, seven little pills a week, and my side effects only last 24 hrs. No more complaints on my end about those pills…promised. (Also I wish I could throw them out).

Celine Dion will keep on fighting as will I, and so will most of us who deal with cancer, autoimmune disorders, or any other disease.

We all are so much stronger than we think we are

And now I will call my obnoxious friend, the one who dares me to cook, eat, and live 90 days oil-free and I will tell her I am up to it. What’s there to lose? She might be right and then I will owe her big time.

She is a nutritionist and believes that giving up cooking oils -even the good ones – will be the last step in my diet changes to be pain-free. “Let’s prove her wrong” the inner voice whispers but the other one, the voice of hope is louder. “Go for it!”

As for Celine Dion, who will never read this. Keep on fighting! Keep on dreaming! Keep on hoping! You are beautiful!

And thank you for bringing awareness to a disease that so many of us had never heard of.