My truth about Selfies

Friends have meaning in my life. They are there to lift me up, they pull me down to earth when it’s needed. They laugh and cry with me, and often they push me to take a deeper look at myself and my behavior. 

A friend’s post forced me to take a good look at my dislike for selfies. Why don’t I like them?

A student last week answered her husband’s text during class and then asked me if she could take a selfie of me, so her so her husband could MEET the teacher.

“Sorry, I don’t do selfies,” I said without thinking and it came out rather harsh. “Why don’t you,” she asked and I didn’t have an answer.

I never liked it when people took my picture. Back then when I was young, we had to pose beside something, or just stood there with an awkward grin. Class photos, headshot, group pictures -you name it.

Something was always off, what doesn’t make any sense, because I was never too critical about my look. I actually like myself -inside and out- so why not in pictures?

I never wanted to stand beside the tower of Pisa, pretending to hold the tower up with my hands. A famous pose that has been copied by millions of people -yet I refused to do the same.  Just take the picture of the leaning tower for heaven’s sake and leave me out of it. 

Some pictures I do like, mostly the ones that were taken when I didn’t know about it. My favorite group photos are the ones when nobody knows they are being watched. There is a series of old photographs of us and our friends, taken at a New Years party many, many years ago. At the beginning of the night, someone had the brilliant idea that we all would pose every full hour to have a group picture taken, holding up a piece of paper with the time.

The photo series is hilarious, it shows our decline with every passing hour. At 7 pm we are all sitting there like birds on a wire, with straight faces and clothes. 5 hours later it looks very different -the joy -and the alcohol- can be seen in our faces. Ties are off, shoes are missing, cheeks are red.

I looked at different selfie pictures yesterday and then it hit me. I don’t like selfies for the same reason I don’t like dolls. Frozen faces, frozen smiles -every picture taken at the same angle, shows the same smile, a staged smile that never reaches the eyes.

But we live in a time where selfies are a part of our society. Perhaps we don’t trust each other anymore or we just don’t have the time to ask a stranger to take our picture. Who knows, he might take off with our phone and then?

The dimensions are off in selfies. The people are in the front, the faces are big and with that, the background becomes rather uninteresting. It’s like a weatherman on TV, blocking the view of the weather map behind him.

Times surely have changed. Nowadays people stand with their back to attractions and focus on what they see on a tiny screen, instead of the real thing behind them.

I love taking my husbands picture and don’t ask me how many pics of our dogs I have. I go around and take photographs of everything else but me. Maybe I think I am not that important, but I don’t think so, I have STAR QUALITY in me, it shines when I am with others. I am a people person, a clown at times, the outspoken raised eyebrow, longing to be heard. I am not timid or easily intimidated.

Perhaps I don’t take myself seriously enough. Yes, that could be. I can make brutal fun of others and myself at any time without any warning.

I suppose it’s just a mix of all. Perhaps I am just an old-fashioned dinosaur, refusing to adjust to new times. No, that’s not either -I hope.

Then I found a video clip “The Annals of Obsession” a series by THE NEW YORKER that I adore.

There is the answer. I don’t like anything perfect, because nothing ever is. Frozen faces, showing perfection in a staged shot, is just against my nature.

Perhaps I should start a chaos-selfie movement, and show myself in situations we all find ourselves in on a daily base. A smile with lipstick on my teeth, or my hair in distress, because as so often, I went with my hands through it -even so I know better.

Maybe someone will come up with an idea like it until then, I have to continue to live my selfie-less life.