How can you come that close?

The dead, the sick were so far away. Many of them in cities I once worked in or studied at, when I was young. I knew the threat was real, and so I stayed home like most of us did.

A bit fearful, but somehow convinced that in the end, it wouldn’t be as bad as THEY –meaning the media- made it sound. After all, we live in the midwest surrounded by Amish people and Mennonites. Surely, our rural areas now serve as a bumper, to keep us secure.

I was wrong. Nothing keeps us safe. A young neighbor, only 34 years old without any pre-existing conditions tested positive Monday, and she was gone too soon yesterday. Another neighbor, a correctional officer, lost his life this week to COVID-19. Both are leaving behind a family and young kids.

How could it come that close? I just convinced myself that re-opening my workshop for business would be alright.

Still sewing and selling masks, and working on all my furniture projects, I felt the need for normality, missed my daily routine and my freedom to spread my wings whenever I feel like it.

I miss so much. Going out and meeting friends. The gym, museums, malls -even though I haven’t been in one in ages- restaurants, movie theaters -even though we mostly stream these days.

I am a funny crazy lady. I miss places I haven’t been in years.

My freedom! Isn’t that my right. To come and go as I please -even if it’s just in my fantasies. How dare you take this right away from me? I will stand up and ….

No, I won’t! I will stay home and continue to embrace this quiet time that was given to me. We have a roof over our head, we can pay our bills, we have food in the fridge and in the pantry. We have each other.

I have no reason to complain. None, whatsoever!

I am alive. I can lament, stomp my foot, have a hissyfit, and I can drive my husband crazy any time I feel like it -or he puts up with it.

I can whine and write about it. 63,109+ people in this country can not!

The freedom to stay safe. How blessed are we? Nobody forces us to leave our cocoon if we don’t want to.

I choose to stay safe. Let them protest, let them scream, and make demands. You can’t make me! I choose to obey by my rules! My workroom will be closed for another month. I will go outside, but not mingle much.

And now I will get another cup of decaf, and sort more fabrics for the masks I will continue to sew for a very long time.

I will travel in my dreams!