One week…OH my Gosh, I haven’t smoked for 7 days…a whole week without cigarettes! Me..the long time smoker hasn’t touched a cigarette for one whole week. Believe it or not, my last pack is still in the freezer…..unopened and untouched!
For the first time in my adult life I am living without my Nicotine fix? How am I feeling? Good question! I like the progress and I am proud of myself, but I am very surprised that I am not smoking. It feels surreal and I am confused. Cigarettes have always been my companion, I smoked one pack a day, that means I went for 20 smoke breaks during one day! But now…..well, now I am thinking about cigarettes 24/7, they seem to be on my mind all the time, more than ever! The cravings are OK, I can handle those…it’s my mind that doesn’t shut up!
So many questions “how long until I know I quit for good?”, “why do I feel so hungry?, “why do I eat all the time?” “For how long will I have those cravings? and “what, if I stopped too late?”
It’s like the Hamster in the wheel never stops running…Never! Regardless what I do, I think about it all the time “I quit smoking” or “normally I would smoke now” and my favorite “Gosh, who am I kidding…go smoke”.
It’s like I have an invisible friend and he lives on my shoulder. Good news, I am not the only one….other’s have the same friend. They call him Nicodemon, the demon who wants us to smoke! The demon of our addiction!
Alright then, seems like he will be with me for a while, I might as well give him a name. I named him “Smokey”. I have a good imagination and I can visualize things. I could almost see this little tiny creature sitting there on my shoulder. He is very obnoxious and he whispers in my ear all the time! “Go smoke”…..”go, have just one, one won’t hurt”, “you are alone at home…nobody would know”.
My invisible friend is giving me a hard time! That’s how I pictured him and sometimes I turned my head and said “No, shut up Smokey”.
Am I losing my mind?