I think we all get an invisible backpack when we are born. At first we just carry it around empty, but then -just after a short while- we start to fill it up.
We fill it up with memories, experiences and feelings – all of it- the good and the bad. Over time the backpack gets heavier and weighs us downs. Then it’s time for a break, it’s time to sit down and look at our inventory.
There will be a pile of good things that we treasure, we can’t let these go. We continue to carry them around, no matter how far we will go. Priceless memories of joy and love, of laughter and people that were dear to us.
Then there will be a pile with things that hurt us; it’s a nice sized pile with little and big things that weigh us down. Many of them we started to pack when we were just little children. I arranged and rearranged my backpack numerous times and often put back, what I should have left behind.
I thought I had to hang on, because one day it would make sense. I wanted answers to questions that I didn’t dare asking. I didn’t spend much time with my real parents, only 6 years when I was little, but I carried the actions of my parents around for a long time, until I realized I just had to let go. No matter how often I thought about the things they did and didn’t do, nothing changed.
“They fuck you up, your Mum and Dad,
They may not mean to but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra just for you.”
Many hikers have a little shovel in their backpack, that they use to bury the human waste they leave behind. So the shovel is there, dig a hole and get rid of some things that wear so heavy on your shoulders. Bury them deep and don’t leave them behind to be seen.
I had to take a few breaks throughout the years, because I packed the wrong things and my shoulders were hurting; the weight I was carrying around had been too much.
The good things and the good memories don’t weigh us down, it’s the bad stuff that seems to weigh a million tons and it slows us down.
From an early age on we learn to say Goodbye to friends and family. We move around and we adjust our life to new circumstances, but what we never learn is to say Goodbye to the bad stuff that can’t really be seen. The hurt, the scares and the tears -we carry all of it around.
“Some of the hardest battles we fight are those against the demons of our past, over which we have no control.”
I hang to the “Good stuff.” I travel light these days~!
What are you holding onto from the past?