I follow so many bloggers who seem to be struggling with their own identity. “I feel lost,” that’s a statement I have read over and over. It always makes me wonder what happened to them. How can you get lost, if you are always there?
I don’t think we can lose ourselves. The self that is being lost is the self-image our mind has made up. “I am not who I want to be.” Well then, who’s fault is that?
“When you’re unhappy, you get to pay a lot of attention to yourself. And you get to take yourself oh so very seriously. Truly happy people, they don’t think about themselves very much. Unhappiness is the ultimate form of self-indulgence.”
― Tom Robbins,
I have no idea who Tom Robbins is -and don’t really see the need to look him up- but, whoever he is, he has a point.
Only when we are unhappy, that’s when we question anything and everything around us. That’s when we question ourselves and the relationships we have; that’s when we question life in general.
Chasing the dream of the person you want to be; I can imagine that this must give one the feeling of being lost. It must be like chasing the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. How unhappy it must make one, when you chase an image, that only exist in your head.
If you know something is wrong in your life, and you aren’t happy, then just talking or writing about it won’t fix a thing. Find out what makes you so unhappy? Deal with the real problem and don’t tear yourself apart.
“I have taken care of the kids and the family, now it’s my turn,” that’s another statement many make. Your turn for what? Living? Living differently? Changing? Breaking free?
We, women, have the tendency to please the people we love; it’s in our blood, we are caretakers. Nothing is really wrong with it at first, but then, as we grow older, we start to rebel against a role that we gave ourself.
“In youth, it was a way I had,
To do my best to please.
And change, with every passing lad
To suit his theories.
But now I know the things I know
And do the things I do,
And if you do not like me so,
To hell, my love, with you.”
― Dorothy Parker,
To hell, my love, with you..exactly. This is who I am, take it or leave it and it goes both ways. People change…let them. You want to change…do it. It’s that simple. It’s not cruel, it’s not rude, it’s just an aspect of growing.
I remember when we were newlyweds, “Please, don’t try to change me,” he said and I wasn’t really sure what he meant. Why would I want to change him? Years, later I understood. I have been very lucky, neither one of us tried to change the other. Of course, we changed…we grew up -we grew up together. I was always me and I never tried to change him.
Don’t pretend to be what you are not, be true -always.
“Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened.”
― Dr. Seuss
Can it be that simple? Is happiness really just a mindset? I believe it is. Life is about adjusting our sails to a storm, we didn’t see coming.
You are not lost, you have just forgotten how to be happy.