11 months smoke free…Confession time!

confession

I remember all the crazy things I did and only smokers or ex-smokers will be able to understand this post. The terrifying moment, when we realize we are almost out of cigarettes and it’s close to midnight and time for bed. Every smoker and every ex-smoker knows how that feels, when the panic starts… 

Today I am smoke-free since 11 months. Confession time…

  • There was a time in our lives when money was tight and buying cigarettes was not always easy, even though they only costed $1 or $2 back then. I remember how we went through pockets, purses and drawers trying to get cigarette money together. Dimes, Nickels and pennies…we added it all together, made little money towers and one of us had to go and buy cigarettes.
  • Have you ever driven by a hair salon and there was a female standing in front of the store, wearing something like a tent with her arms sticking out and lots of foil on her head. Then you probably saw me. I could not make it though a session at the hair salon, without smoking at least one. I had no problem to make a total fool out of myself…as long as I could smoke.
  • Sometimes I was stuck at the house, when we had only one car, or mine was in the shop. I always knew my husband would be home in a few hours, but sometimes I run out earlier and wanted one right then. This is hard to admit, but I went through our ashtray, not just once, trying to find the ones that were smoked only half. Trying to find cigarette butts that were still usable. Now, after months of not smoking, I can hardly believe I did that.
  • Next scenario, even more frustrating then looking for the a cigarette or money, was looking for lighter. A smokers nightmare…you have cigarettes and you can’t find a lighter anywhere. I can still see me going through drawers and cabinets, trying to find those damn matches, that I know I had somewhere in the kitchen. I turned everything upside down.
  • My match-hunt in the kitchen was quite often unsuccessful and I was still without a lighter. I am not kidding when I admit, that I went through every clothes pocket in our closets on my search for a lighter. I looked everywhere and had endless energy by doing so (this is fun to write).
  • A gas stove solved my problem fairly easy, but we didn’t always have one. I tried to light a cigarette on an electric stove once. I put that damn burner on high and when I tried to light the cigarette I couldn’t do it, it was too hot. So I used a piece of paper and a tooth pick instead…insanity I know.
  • I never tried that again, but I tried to light a cigarette with our toaster once. It worked…but it killed the toaster.
  • The worst thing I have ever done, I did with my sister-in-law. We were visiting family and the guys started to watch football. We didn’t care for it and decided to go for a walk. It was winter time, right after Christmas. We bundled up, grabbed our cigarettes and went out the door. We walked downtown and further toward the cemetery. She wanted to go by the family grave and it was fine with me. We spend some time at the cemetery and on our way out we both wanted to smoke a cigarette. My lighter started acting up and I could’t get it to work. We had a cigarettes, but no lighter. It was later in the afternoon and I could see all the memorial candles burning. She just looked at me “No you can’t do that”. “Why not, it’s a flame isn’t it”. She was very religious and almost had a panic attack when I lit my cigarette on one of those candles. I have to admit I wasn’t sure what would happen either. Would lightning strike me right then and there? Would a hand come out of the grave and grab me…too much Edgar Allen Poe I assume. I have to say it didn’t feel right. I smoked my cigarette, but somehow it didn’t taste right. My sister-in-law wanted to light her cigarette of mine. I looked at her and teased her “it’s still the one that was lit with the memorial candle”. She just gave me the look and asked me not to tell anybody when we got home. I never told a soul. ‘

Now, looking back, I am stunned by the stunts I pulled, just because I thought I had to smoke. Because I was in panic mood each and every time I run out of cigarettes, or came close to running out.

I quit 11 months ago and had a pack of my cigarettes still unopened in the freezer for quiet some time. Even though I quit, I wanted to be on the certain they were in the house…just in case. Then, after a couple of weeks into my quit, I felt secure enough and gave them to my husband.

I am glad all this is a part of my past. I know a lot of you out there reading this just quit on New Years Evening. Good job! Stay quit. Don’t go back to the insanity of the nicotine addiction.

11 months

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15 thoughts on “11 months smoke free…Confession time!

  1. I enjoyed this post and identified with much of it. I quit about a thousand years ago. Well not quite but more than 40 years ago. The thing that I thought was the saddest about quitting was that I could no longer use my elegant cigarette holder. So …that’s my confession. Thanks for stopping by my blog.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. oh, every word. I have done all those. It was so bad I couldnt leave the house to walk across the yard unless I had the pack and the lighter with me. Not because I was going to be out there that long, but because I Had To Have Them Handy. Dear lord.

    Standing outside in the driving rain along with other smokers, trying to keep the thing lit…

    It was 22 years last November, and I’ve never looked back. They say, and I believe, that smokers usually come from smoking families, and I surely did. So did my husband. After I quit, and showed him the money we’d save, he quit too…=)

    And I am so pleased to know you made it this far. It does get easier, but don’t let your guard down. Now and then, I still get waves, what I think of as white-knuckle time, but they pass, too.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I will be 3 years smoke free next year in February. It is a part of my past, not worth talking about. I don’t get cravings, I don’t feel the urge to smoke.

      I used to, like I used to read comics when I was little. You read a rather old post of mine, but I am glad you did. 🙂

      Nice to meet you.

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  3. Great read, today is my 11th month smoke free and found this through a google search. I know of every situation you speak of most of us have been there. Heres to another 11 months and beyond.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Wonderful to read your memories and to know that you are determined to make cigarettes a thing of the past! Your health will continue to improve and you may even have money in your pocket!!
    Congratulations on your resolve to change your life Ladybug!!

    Liked by 1 person

    • You are so sweet. Sorry for the late reply…we took some time of. It is brutal cold here 11F, snow outside and for the first time in my adult life I stay inside and I am warm. I don’t have to bundle up every 20 minutes to go outside. Love it 🙂

      Like

  5. Congrats, ladybug! 11 days… 11 weeks… 11 months. Milestones are much better than gravestones. There’s a saying that “Winners never quit, and quitters never win.” But this is the exception to that rule. Quitting cigarettes makes you a winner on day 1, and every day after.

    P.S. I still find lighters hidden away in drawers, pockets, shoes… and they do seem like relics of another time. It’s a great feeling.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. What an amazing journey. Smoking is an addiction and it is not surprising the “creative” lengths a person will go to to feed the addiction. Some very creative ways you used! Being a quitter in this case will always be a good thing- so happy for you! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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