Dear Mother Nature, have you been drinking?

mother nature.jpg

 

Hello Mother Nature,

it’s me, the 52-year old woman who lives in the blue house right at the end of the street. Remember me?

We haven’t seen each other in a while, ever since you abruptly ended our friendship about two years ago, when you decided, I would not receive your monthly gift anymore. No hard feelings, but a small warning would have been nice back then. I almost drove to the emergency room when I got my first hot flash -thought I had a heart attack- and only the search for a cooler place, prevented me from making a total fool out of myself.

There I was, an elegant, classy lady  when you turned me into a sweaty mess.

I didn’t complain then; I accepted your decision and our breakup with as much grace as a  middle-aged, sweaty woman can come up with. It was a hard and a rather brutal transition, but I managed -with the help of numerous fans and an extra A/C window unit in my bedroom.

Even my husband adjusted nicely to the arctic temperatures in our home. He has fallen in love with his fur-lined slippers and has found a new appreciation of all the cozy blankets, which he now even uses during the summer time.

You didn’t want anything to do with me anymore and now, out of the blue, after two years, you decided to stop by -unannounced.

Friends throw each other surprise parties, and I have to give it to you that, you nailed that one. I was so not expecting it. How sneaky of you to show up at night. I was so used to my PAUSE of MENO that I almost didn’t know what to do with your little present. I went to the aisle with female hygiene products and felt nervous. As ALWAYS the product I knew, was displayed right beside the adult diapers for older people, and I couldn’t help thinking that buying these might be the better deal for me.

I mean seriously, I just bought a jumbo package of female hygiene products that I (hopefully) will  never use again. What am I suppose to do with the leftovers? Put them in my will?

I don’t mean to be disrespectful, but I am 52 years old, what were you thinking? We broke up. Remember?

Considering my age, I am almost sure that I received someone else’s gift by mistake. I bet you meant to leave it across the street, and you messed up. My neighbor is a sweet lady; I don’t  want her to have a nervous breakdown while she is waiting for her gift. You better fix that!

You came by in the middle of the night, so may I suggest using a flashlight from now on. Also, you might want to think about investing in a GPS system…just in case.

Mother Nature, please don’t take it the wrong way, but I don’t want to be friends anymore. Please be so nice and put me back into the ice age aka menopause, because now I am used to it and I love it. I gave up being elegant; I like my comfortable clothes, my flat shoes, and my rosy cheeks.

Sincerely,

A very confused Happy Quitter

PS. Stay off the booze

menopause

 


Elegant

You just can’t be elegant, when you are a sweaty mess 🙂

 

 

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44 thoughts on “Dear Mother Nature, have you been drinking?

  1. Oh yes! Thanks for the website but I don’t do hormones as both my parents and many of my relatives died of cancer. I’ll be 60 in 3 years by which time this should stop. In the meantime I’m going for the holistic means. Many Thanks! Please don’t melt!! We need you!! 🙂 ❤

  2. I can definitely relate to being a Hot Mess. Literally. Mine also stopped at around age 52. Actually I don’t miss having cramps and feeling like my insides were being sliced up by a knife. However because my job as a museum security guard requires me to wear an extremely uncomfortable uniform I know the misery of pouring down sweat yet being unable to take off the jacket or unloose the tie unless I’m on break. I will be so happy to retire in two years. No more wearing a wool/polyester sauna suit.

    I also get the “Night Sweats” so I rarely get a good nights sleep. But I’ve had insomnia for so long that I suppose I’m used to it by now. My doctor suggested Black Cohosh. I’ll let you know if it works. For me the worst part of menopause were the changes in my hair specifically the hair on my head. My hair started to thin, break off and fall out. Fortunately I did lots of research on hair loss and breakage and for me being African American who wears her hair Natural my savior has been Biotin, MSM, Shea Butter, Amla, Coconut Oil, Jojoba oil and other natural products. I am a dedicated YouTube viewer and Follower of many African/African-American and Indian (India) Ladies and listen carefully to all they say. Snow, ice, and cold weather is the enemy of Women of African descent as our hair tends to be dry. Anyway since mid-2013 my hair has been doing much better.

    Also hair appeared in places on my body where it should not be. Thank goodness for waxing!! LOL!!

    • Right now I am back to square one -so it seems. Hoping that Mother Nature won’t show up unannounced again. I have earned my breakup with her, don’t you think?
      As for the sweats and the hair situation you might want to look into http://www.bhnformulas.com/

      A very good friend of mine is African American as well, and she gave it to me when I started melting. It made all the difference in the night sweats and other issues.

      Thank you for reading!

  3. So funny, and yet so frustrating and unexpected. You’re so right, not many talk about it, yet millions of us go through it!! Thanks for starting the conversation. (I got a surprise when I was 3 years older than you…so be prepared). :-0

  4. That happened to me a couple of years ago, and frightened (I’d been abandoned since 2009), I went to the local ‘lady parts’ doctor and she assured me that it was just some ‘left overs’ leaving the house/sinking ship. That’s not encouraging…nothing since (not a word nor a postcard even saying Hasta La Vista Baby) but I guess one should be prepared. And for those left overs in the hygiene product arena? Something I did in Salt Lake City when I lived there (and thought things were over), was give them to a local homeless shelter donation. They really need things like that, because the homeless ladies still receive the ‘gift’ but often don’t have the funds to buy the necessary. Something maybe to think about if you’re sure you’ve been left for good this time.

  5. I remember when …. but just barely. I got by so easily. Just gave up the monthly hosting duty. May your transition be short! And the flat shoes can do wonders for your spirits. Be careful to not entertain too many other “spirits.”

  6. LOL, yes those were the days. For me they have returned a little, I no longer manage with hot weather, but otherwise it is now something coming from outside, and not inside.

    • I am going through a whirlwind of emotions right now. I thought all was settled and now it looks like I have to start all over again.
      I can not even begin to tell you how tired I am of the heat this year. I am sweating bullets.

  7. Luckily, I had most of that plumbing removed awhile back for health reasons (endometriosis) so I’ll never have that surprise. I do get the hot flashes though, and all the lovely hormonal mood swings that come with menopause. Yay!

  8. Oh, so funny! I have been paused for awhile now, but after my breast cancer surgery will take a hormone suppressant for 5 to 10 years because my tumor is estrogen/progesterone receptive. They tell me I will likely have hot flashes again, so, yay! But yes, I agree talking about things is cathartic and helpful to others, too!

  9. Oh dear. Ha ha ha ha. I can so relate. I’m so HOT, and I’ve been one hot lady for three years now. It’s ridiculous. Why would mother nature do this? It makes no sense. I certainly don’t need any other surprises. Thanks for the warning!

  10. Haha… Loved this and surprisingly I sailed through.. Just a few night sweats .. No half as bad as some people I know.. I will go and have a word with Mother Nature and oh yes I am well into flat shoes these days too 🙂 ❤ Hugs Sue 🙂

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